Grand Theft Auto 4 ! ! !

I AM SO GOING ON A RAMPAGE!!! WooOOooHoooOOooOOoooo... Happy happy joy joy! ! !

Hyena Frogina Ng

Ace says:
actually i think i quite cute hor?
W, Ivan says:
u think lah..but not others
Ace says:
cb!


I got scolded by stating the fact...eeeyaaarrrrrrrr!!!

and she goes on..

Ace says:
u mean i very gorgeous now
W, Ivan says:
u're normal...period
Ace says:
eeeeeeeeee so i am normal gorgeous???
Ace says:
not super gorgeous?

*thud*

Telly and Me

Today's weather was super duper scorching hot!! It's so hot you can actually feel the heat piercing your skin. BLEAH! To top it off, my room's a/c decided to go haywire. WHOOOPEEE! Perfect! I guess I need to sleep with my room's door open and let the a/c from the living room cool my room. That will work, rite?! Right.

Today is one of those day I decide to stay at home and do nothing. It is monday afterall...

So I sat infront of my telly, wheee..channel surfing can be fun. NOT!

I stopped at Ch Ni for awhile and I saw FIONA XIE on tv!! Fark.. I don't think I ever get so annoyed by watching someone blabber in a language that I don't fully understand (chinese). She is super act cute lorr. She got this weird twang in her chinese. Her english too! Like where the F you came from b*tch???!! American no, British No, Singlish FARK no! What the F! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Come here, you b*tch!! *kick kick kick, punch punch in the air and roll on the floor*flick hair furiously* From the tv-c to her playing act cute hantu on channel Wu, BAAAAAAAAD!!! On my annoying-o-level, she scores 9.8/10. The last person who scored 10/10 was the girl who acted in the Maggie Mee show. Wait, that's her, the 'hantu who act jambu' isn't it!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE *thud*

BAD BAD BAD IDEA!

now I know why people turn crazy so easily, try...

hot weather+fiona xie on telly= nutcase! (read:me)

well, I don't know her personally... but still it is legal to hate someone rite? Especially if it is FIONA XIE. Who likes her anyway? Compared to me, I am so loveable and pretty. I am VERY sure she is a nice person, generous, fun-loving despite all her act -cuteness.

Ptuii... x100000000000000

There, I feel better now...whew..letting it out your system is good sometimes.

The next time I feel hot 'n bothered..an ice cold beer is a far better idea than watching telly at home.

ps. is there any letstopfionaxiefromfurtheractingcute.com online petition that I can sign?

xoxo

Geography 101

Certain faceless profile messaged me on xingqiwu.com:

A: where are you from?
me: Mars *flick hair*
A: where is that? Myanmar?

My geography is jialat not very good. I know Shiru lives in Scotland, Malaysia. I also know for sure Singapore is part of Batam. Bali is part of Australia. Phuket is in Sweden.

But when one said Mars is the same as Myanmar??? I am speechless.

Driving Miss Daisy (Crazy)

Miss Daisy is having the headache of her life-time preparing for her Birthday bash next week. Had a conversation with her about her e-mailing the cuzzie who is in the food industry, I think it's Lee Bo Huat Seafood, Car tyre and Pharmacy Centre. This is her first time organising something of grandeur, so totally can imagine her headache. Major *flick flick hair*

anyhoo...
the cuzzie mentioned when Miss Daisy was talking to him on the phone, he was like "huh, so low class ah?" that kind of feeling, NO V.C or KRUG for champagne???

*ROLL EYES*

then...
She was trying to so hard to sound polite and he kept like pushing her to get more things, like replacing her original waiters with his waiters

*GASP*

ultimately...
he asked "you're not getting desserts?"

*SHRIEK*HYSTERICAL FITS*

I totally fainted woke up and fainted again when she told me that her cousin offered her THAT. This is utterly ridiculous!! The horror!! Nightmare on Fat Street! I Know What You Ate Last Summer!!!! Fatday the 13th!! Chainsaw My Belly Massacre!


Tell him, that you're inviting people who don't put much food in their mouth!!
Dessert is totally out of question..does he think we look good by eating????!!

You straight homophobes moron!!! *still in hysterical fits*

DESSERTS???????????? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *thud*faint*

oh miss Daisy, Alcohol please... I'm on liquid diet. Love chu! *continue fainting*

xoxo

ps. your appointment for make-up is pretty much confirm. cu!

Shiru Doo Theme

I grew up watching Scooby Doo on telly, suddenly I thought about the theme song and sang along with it the whole night, thinking about Miss Shiru.


Shiru-Shiru-Doo, Where Are Chu? We got some shopping to do now.

Shiru-Shiru-Doo, Where Are Chu? We need some cash from chu now.


now sing-a-long with me... Wheeee!!

Shiru the Shihtsus

I always think Miss Ang look like some sort of animal, but I can't think of any until yesterday. Like miss Hyena Ng, whom everybody thinks resemble a frog. Sooo cute isn't it! Those green little creature *kick*splat*. Aunty Alexis Tan's a monkey and so on...

Yesterday, Miss Ang came to find me before she left for Scotland. I looked at her and said "Renne I think sometimes when you don't put on make up you look like a Shih tsu lerr."

shihtsu is a mouthful word... So, I dub thee...Miss Shiru!!

Then she said: "So what are you? A SEAL??!"  Yeah, like whatever *roll eyes* Miss self-emo Ang call me names too, she called me a HIPPO. Like, Uh huh! Whateverrr *double roll eyes* Where got rite??!! Not even close lorr. I think I'm either a butterfly or a phoenix *flick hair* Like, totally!

xoxo

Miss Kimchi Lee

Miss Kimchi Lee, winner of Miss Ultra Hot & Spicy Kimchi 2008 from Korea called me at 430am and demanded that I do her make-up for one of her many charity gala dinners.

So I agreed... I am a professional make-up artist afterall *flick hair*

Isn't she gorgeous? It had been a great honour to do her make-up... her skin is full of ingrowth hair, stubbly and I seriously think she is a man with at least own one or two penis flawless...

please contact me at 1-900-Iwannabeahotmesstranny

It's That Time of The Month Again...Yay! Gay!

Went to Jones The Grocer at Dempsey today, doing our supposedly monthly get-together dinner. I had my starter, a soup (read: asahi beer), 2 main course; Spring Chicken and 1/4 of a bottle of wine and as dessert, 2 pinches of Sponge cake (never had a sweet tooth).

Here, 3 of my BFFs for 11 years. That's how long I have been living in this tiny island of Singapore...
Shabila (leftest) is back for few days, she's now lives in Sydney, a tiny suburb in the west of Burma.

Missing Miss Liang today...as she was caught up with work. Next month horr!!!

xoxo

Renne has FINALLY Left Singapore

Miss Ang (the one with real tiny boobies) has left Singapore for Scotland, Malaysia or is it part of Vietnam now??

Wheeeeeeeee... she will be away for a month *pop champagne*. Imagine this, 4 weeks of Renne-free days *pop 2nd champs*throw confetti into the air*

Total bliss!!!

but after 1 month, she will back here to Singapore for GOOD *gasp*

for the time being I just sulk, look pretty and detox at home *flick hair*

xoxo

Serendipity (?)

Nelly asked me my chariot car really got knocked ah??! Yes, really lorr...

She asked me, why not I google the company name of Mr. Stranger to enlighten myself that the word senior vice president not necessarily means O-L-D.

so *click click click* I googled.

the result came and OMG!!!! Blahblah company is a huge company!!

Suddenly a dinosaur sounds young to me!!!! They even acted in few recent movies, like Jurassic Park and KingKong, so they can't be thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat old, rite??!

oh btw, Mr. Stranger is angmoh...well my diet is pretty rojak anyway, I eat everything as long as their ic said the sex=M. M for makanmeplease!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

xoxo

PS. I Love You (?)

Yesterday in paragon, I saw a name card on my windshield, my heart stopped for awhile. Like, OMG, a hunk must have noticed me while I was sashaying inside the mall and left his name card there. Who knows maybe a prince charmee is asking me for a date, right? *flick hair* Do I have a secret admirer???!!! *shriek*flick hair left and right*

I flip the card, OooOOohhhh...Mr. Stranger, a senior vice president of Blahblah company, NICE!!

Then I acted as if I was surprised when I saw a little handwriting note there, then I read it slowly, it says,
"A red colour cooper just hit your car in front. License plate number SFN6214R".

WTF????!!! *shriek* KNN!!!! What happened to my hunk lerrrrrrrrr???? CB!

so I called my *roll eyes* prince charmee and asked him what happened. He told me exactly what he saw. A (bleached) blonde angmoh girl just hit my car and drove off without stopping to check if she caused any damage. Farking b*tch! Eeeeeeeeeee...tulan lerrrrrrr. How can one do that??????????!!!

But despite my tulanness, I am daaaaaamn grateful for this person's kindness, as he had been super nice and super kind to leave his namecard. He is even willing to be my eyewitness if he is needed for further investigation from the car insurance/police or F-911. This is what everyone should do if we witnessed something similar. I will leave my contacts or perhaps if I'm sure the person who's driving is cute, I will wait there and give him my body 'n soul???!! *wiggle*

Should I ask my *sigh* prince charmee for a dinner to say thank you?? But horr.. I googled the word 'senior' vice president, it means something old/prehistoric/jurassic/antique ler, you know what I mean. Maybe a thank you card would be sufficient? Yes, I think a card will be sufficient, don't want to scare a nice samaritans like him lah *flick hair*

Thank you thank you and thank you Mr. Stranger! God bless your soul...

and SFN 6214R.... AWAS YOU!!!!!!!!!!! *filing my claws*

Emotional Rollercoaster

For the past 1 week, I am basically surrounded by grieving, broken-hearted, stalked, self-made emo and extra sensitive friends. I hope it is not contagious *touchwood and flick hair*

I think it is all cause by the constellations of planet Uranus and their anus is at the wrong path.

Let me pick one example, the self-made emo case.

Last nite, Miss A sms-ed me and said she just stepped into something...

and ofcourse I asked, what issit? A puddle of mud and it ruined her Manolo (more like Charles & Keith?)?? Burned hell money? Dog poo poo or worst human poo poo?!

She replied A BIG HOLE ....OF DEPRESSION...

*roll eyes* can it be more drama and poetic or not???

I thought Miss A always in depression... is there another hole inside her big hole of depression?? *roll eyes again*sounds like my pores!!*I need aunty Lee!!*

then she said Maybe she (will) never step out of it!! Gawwd, can I like cry now or something??

and Miss A continue on and said She is swimming in the pool of sorrow and depression...

I rest my case.

For all, I hope the Uranus will soon move towards the good side of our anus and everything will be back to normal. AMEN!

I truly love all of you. No wonder we can click just fine cos we all are a bunch of drama whores.

xoxo

The Name Game

I never have a chinese name and I never like my name Ivana... so I had this conversation with Miss F & E on msn that I want to change my name to Vixen Lee. COOL RIGHT???? The name is super tranny fierceness!

Hi, I'm Vixen Lee, Hulijing.

but it's not such a good idea, cos this will happened:

me: hi, my name is Vixen Lee, Hulijing.
b: who? lee jing?
me: yes, Hulijing.
b: who??
me: yes, Hulijing
b: i know, who's lijing???
me: yes, Hulijing.
b: who?????????????
me: Hulijing lah cb!!!!!!!!!!
b: yeah, like who the f*ck is lijing lahhh???

then miss F think it's too complicated for me *giggle*and decided my name should be Lee Poh Geok. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE can it be more old school than that or not, I'm like *flick hair* 21 only lorrr.

I have decided I stick to Ivana Lee, like, forever *flick hair*

In Search of A New (Perfect) Smile

I always think I look the same in all my pictures, same smile, same angle, the OMG *shriek* that gorgeous long flowy hair look , the OMG *shriek again* the way I flick left and right hair look and OMG, that sparkly eyes look!! *hysterical*

Enuff already. I need a change, it's 2008!!

So I seek Aunty Alexis Tan, CEO of sCarrie Models International, fashion guru and socialite imoneverypageofmagazine to teach and advise me how to give a perfect smile. So I took a series of picture and send it to her... and this is what she get back to me *sulking but still pouting*


AA: Didn't shit for months, Ivana??
Me: But but but, I just did this morning!
AA: Try cranberry juice!


AA: Don't smile too wide!! It's freaking wide, I can see your lungs... one must look mysterious, like Monalisa!
Me: Urghh... too fierce yah? *pout*
AA: Like, totally!



Then I told myself, why not bring a prop?? Here is me with a wine glass.
AA: WTF?? You and the wine glass look almost the same size!! Ivana, did chu forgot that you're tiny!!
Me: Like, I know *flick hair* but my mistake... sorry.



2nd attempt, I asked miss Clawdia Schiffer, winner of America's Next Top Model dunno which season, I think it was Rainy season or was it Durian season? Anyway, she loathes it. Guess cos we both have long flowy hair? ?
AA: No comment *put the pic into shredder*
Me: Issit the hair too long?



My last attempt.
AA: Why are you in a gown?? I ask u to wear a mini skirt!
Me: I was thinking high fashion couture not whorish geylangish skirt! !
AA: Don't shout at me... and what's with the dark eye ring??
Me: That was my glasses!
AA: Don't argue with me!! Obviously you don't have enuff sleep!!



After 1 month, 1 week, 10 hours, 10 minutes and few seconds later. AA finally revealing the secret perfect smile. Here I am sharing with you all... please take note.
1. Pull down your lower lips a little
2. Lift up slightly your upper lips.
3. Chest up
4. Tilt you head 23degrees to the north.
5. Open up your eyes bigger.
*click click click*

TAADAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
AA: Congrats!!! Totally LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!! The only person who make that smile perfect is me myself and I and now *sobs* I can see myself in chu, Ivana! *hugs*
ME: Really????! Thanks AA, what would I be without chu!!!
AA: Like, nobody?! Anytime *flick hair*exchange air kisses left n right*

I Heart T&R

I would like to express my deepest condolence to my beloved Angs on the demise of your granny. Be strong okay. She is in much better place now. I wish you all the strength you need now to go through this hard time.

BIG HUGS.

Renne is NOT going back YET

About 1 month ago the Ang's got into a family emergency. After I posted the previous blog. The same case resurface, this time turn up not so good *sigh* and I found out that Miss Ang postponing her trip back to Scotland, Malaysia at the very last minute.

I asked dear JC to take care of it. He always knows what is best and He never fails to listen.

My prayer goes to you gals and your family.

Lets all pray to each of our own believe/religion for the Ang's that things will be fine and everything soon be back to normal. Amen.

Be strong k, gals... hugs

Renne is going back (AGAIN)

This entry I dedicated to Miss Ang, the one with real boobies, the one I super love.

Miss Ang is going back tonight to Scotland, that is one of the state in Malaysia for those who wondering where Scotland is.

I spent like everyday with her, from morning til morning... am-am, seriously. I think we almost like siamese twins, inseperable. She is like a zit that won't go away, so bloody annoying isn't it?? But it's the zit that you just want it stay. I am so gonna miss her!!! Wheee... I mean, boo hooo hooo.

Here are some pics that we took when she was in town for 2 weeks.

Her debut at Play Club on Friday, after absent for 2 months or less *roll eyes*

Impromptu Mambo Nite @ Zouk, after the Long Island Tea kicks in.

At Rhonda Koh Pee Tiam's house, after dinner during Leyla Delilah Heng Birthday Celebration.

She in her million dollar rupiahs dress during Brucilinda's Shades of Drama Birthday Bash.
At Oomphatico's welcoming Adek home and her going away dinner.

Dinner at La Forketta's @ Dempsey.
Cam-whoring at Rhonda's after above dinner.

Renneeeeeeee!!! Come back sooon... who will find me in day-time to roam the road around doing nothing til my car gas run low!!!

Oh btw, she will be back again in 6 weeks this time FOR GOOD! For the time being I continue swallowing multi vitamin, vitamins A-Z, milk thistle pill, blueberry extract, pycogenol, applying extra moisturiser for the late nights and SKII masks to rejuvenate.

Fashion 911 Prison Break!!!

I was at Starbucks in Menenenia Walk this afternoon and I saw this ladyman sat alone, zonking and staring blankly at fashion boutique windows...


and I noticed there is something eerie fashionably wrong with this person then I..*flick hair* noticed again the same skunk inspired coloured hair!!! HORROR!!! *shrieking and flicking hair left n right like super hot fierce modelme*

Remember this????? *faint graciously*

F-911, it's ALWAYS on my speed-dial and I think seriously you should make it one too!

me: This is I, Ivana the chio bu. What the f?? *crying franctically* I thought Miss Skunkina or whatever her name is in jail now??? ARGHHHHHHH!!!

F-911: Relax, miss. Calm down... Breathe. Btw, you are freaking gorgeous, have i told you that?

Me: Like, DUH?? I know that! *flick hair* Skunkina is out!! Geddit? *still shrieking* She is like, freaking staring at me now..I think she is like, seeking revenge or something! *gasping for air*

F-911: Help is on the way, miss. Gawd, I wish I can be like you. Fierce!!

me: Oh, like never! *flick hair* Ciao!!


10 minutes later Skunkina were arrested AGAIN. Soon after she got sentenced for double life imprisonment for breaking the No.1 rule of Fashion bible: You must have a waist before you can wear anything around it.

and

rule No.2 of Fashion bible: It is never the thing to wear hideous prints while having coffee.

A Day In The Life Of Christina Wang

This entry I dedicated to Miss Christina Wang, my BFF. The title says it all and it's a pictorial extravaganza. Please click the pic to enlarge (it is also applies to all of my previous post).

I got to know my BFF (BEST FRIEND FOREVER), Miss Christina Wang when she was modeling in Paris* and again in LA** at 2004, she was looking absolutely wahlao-kena-langgar-lorry-ah?? stunning and she freaking caught my attention right away, the way she strut her ass when she was doing a dwarf pony line was unforgettable in a very horror movie kinda way. She actually live in USA*** and I live in Holland. Despite the distance, our friendship stays strong and loving. Awwww... *gag*

*Pasir Ris
**Lorong AhSoo
*** United eState of Angmokio

Her usual day start off with a trip to her fave salon in town to do some dolling up *like, huh?*. I always thought her hair is naturally broomy flowy, soft and ohsowrong! fabulous! She truly put up some effort to look that way. Love it!

Then she shop and shop and shop like there is no tomorrow. Here she bought a G&G belt and Herpes Birkin bag. Nice!

Ofcourse in-between her mad shopping, Miss Wang will visit this place, where famous for their jamu. Jamu is Indonesian a traditional medicinal or folk medicine practice based on the use of plants and plant extracts (actual fact from wikipedia.org) and ofcourse in her case, animals. She drinks jamu religiously to maintain her... look, it's like boys worship gym. Christina worships jamu. Her favorite concoction is kangkong, chilli-padi and pig pubes. No wonder she looks... gorgeous.

Then she will continue her day with shopping again.


Everybody knows my BFF is a party girl. She will hang out in the hippest place in town. Dance like a hot mess. Drink drank drunk the nite away. She is like the Monday2Monday party gal! Looking hot there, missy!


This is where Christina Wang always do her little powdering the nose, touch-up her make-up, wee-wee and sometimes poo-poo.


At 5.30am she will ends her day. Go back home to sleep til 2pm. Looking abit smudgy there Christina! Look at her home and the little garden, Ohsocute!!
As you all can see, Miss Wang is not so photogenic, she kept the same pose over n over n over n over thruout the pictures. She maintained the same pose, same clothing but from all sort of different designers. Such a fashionista you are. Adorable isn't it. Totally!


Miss Wang Rawks!!

xoxo

Fashion 911

I was with Miss Ang when we saw this couple at Siti Hole. We got so freaked out and quickly make a phone call to fashion police to report.

Me: Hellllooooo!! *gasping for air* This is I, miss Ivana the chiobu, I just witnessed a fashion road kill!! It's horrible!! *shrieking*
F-911: Calm down, miss. We will send someone there.Help is on the way. Oh btw, You are freaking gorgeous.
Me: Like, I know *flick hair* Ciao!


10 minutes later these 2 culprits were arrested. Soon after they got sentenced for life imprisonment for breaking the No.1 rule of Fashion bible: You must have a waist before you can wear anything around it.

Happy Birthday in Advance Miss Brucilinda Notsoevanglista Li

Me and Renita Widjaja Mutiara Ang took pictures and gathered birthday wishes from some of Brucilinda's friends that include Princess, Datin and hot celebrities. Ofcourse, the make-up is done by fabulous me and Renita did the layout and all.


















my total BFF

my editor in-chief
Ofcourse me, the make-up artist. If any of you want me to do your make-up for your birthday, wedding or anniversary, please contact me at 1-900-Iwannabeahotmesstranny or www.hotmesstranny.com. FIERCE!!!

WE LOVE CHU, BRUCILINDA!!

for the party pics, you can click here to look at Miss Ang blog.