Taxi Uncle (AGAIN)

uncle: Evening, miss..where to ah?

me: *flick hair* Sin Ming Avenue, please. The prawn-ing place. D'ya know where issit?

uncle: Haaa?! *look at me using the rear view mirror* Sims Avenue go do pron ah??

me: *flick hair and roll eyes* yeah..prawn. D'ya know?

uncle: aiyoh, so havoc ah... what pron?? prono movie ah??? Sims avenue got prono studio ah?? Havoc girl lerr you!

me: *hysterical fit* OMFG!!!!!!!!!! PRAWNING uncle! It's SIN MING Avenue not Geylang, Sims Avenue. I'm a decent girl! and by the way, it's PORNO not prono!

uncle: ohhhh catch PRON ahhh... I heard salahhh, sorry ahhh. Teehee.

URGHHHHHHH!!! when you thought Ris Low engrish is bad!!!

Be an Ass

It was 3.26pm my phone rang. I was not in my best of mood and I swear I heard this...

me: yah?

B: Hi, Good afternoons, my name is Michelin calling froms Ahrerbeeass

me: who? Michelin? Wah!

B: I'm Michelin from Ahrehbeeass.

me: I'm sorry, I don't get you. Where?

B: sorry, my name is... Michelin and I'm calling from Ahrehbeeass.

me: I know you are Michelin. Where? What??? I don't understand you and your accent. What ass?

B: Ah Reh Bee Ass, sir. The Royarw Bank Of Scotlands.

me: Ohhh... RBS. Yes?

B: Yes, sir. Ahrer-bee-ass. I wanna to offer you...

me: *hung up*

Michelin from Ahrehbeeass, I am sorry!


Like I said, I was not in my best of mood *flick hair*

W

So, a big warm welcome to Miss Alanis Yang who came all the way from Timbuktu, USA to Singawhore where the land is hawt and slightly moist I mean, humid.

Twistties asked me if I'm going to the gym tomorrow, which is *shriek* Saturday..I was like, what??? Speechless. Who goes to the gym on weekends? In this part of the world, drinking IS the weekend sport and the only form of sport I religiously play *flick hair*

and suddenly I started to sing...

We are Singawhore, we are Singawhore
We will stand together, and you'll hear my pussy roar

OMFG!!! What's happening to me???!

*SHRIEK*

My name is Ivana Sukalongkok

and

I live in Whoreland Village,

Singawhore?!

What's happening to me????????????!

I need to wake up from this dirty dream!

*faint*

Get Sexy!

OMFG! ! !

Highly suspicious that this song is inspired by nobody, nobody but me *clap clap* ooopsie... I mean *flick hair*




If I had a dime, for every single time, these boys stop and stare, I'd be a billionaire!


xoxo

Frogalicious

Frog: Salamaaaaaabeeeeeeeech

Me: call me chio bu!

Frog: Send me Fergalicious!




Me: send to you? the mp3? that's Piracy *flick hair*

Frog: EEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Salamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeeech.

Obviously, our dear frog has limited vocabulary.

Wonder why he wants the song horr... damn random lei.

issit because it's sounds like Frogalicious???!

OMG!!! I think it is becos it's sounds like Frogalicious!

It can be the theme song for all frog leg porridge in all the lorong in Geylang!!!

Frogalicious!
So delicious
(It's hot, hot)
So delicious
(I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious
(They want a taste of what I got)
I'm Frogalicious
(T-t-tasty, tasty)

Frogalicious def-
Frogalicious def-
Frogalicious def-

xoxo

Mr. Bill featuring Lady Grotesque

and Frog have to remind me about this video AGAIN.

This is what I call ultimate identity crisis. I am sure (almost) everyone know who she is and what her background is.

Okay..let's not talk about that, as religion is suppppppppppper sensitive issue *flick hair*

BUT...

when a chinese... call herself a Geisha, speak chinese with a weird accent, carry a chinese fan, a chinese sword, doing house chore, pony tailed??? Why in the world would you want to stereotype yourself to what most whitey outhere think about us???

Geisha is Japanese!!!

I am so disturbed (AGAIN).

xoxo

FU

Yeah...so I have not been blogging for 3 years...yes, sue me please!!!

I just want to make my come back a short one...

here it goes...


So, I dress up casually for a dinner with my gurlfriend on Thursday night.

me: *press the elevator*

neighbour: wahhh...looking good ah. Where you going to havoc?

me: Havoc? But, wait me looking good? *flick hair* I know, right? Ahh, nahh...not havoc-ing just a dinner gathering with my friends *flick hair*

neighbour: you so good looking, stay alone...happening ah...

me: *roll eyes* I said... I know, right?! *flick hair* hmmmfph...

neighbour: so, must be alot of girls queueing to be with you laahh???

me: OMFG???!!!!!!!!!!!! Girls????????????!!! Are you accusing me a bloody lesbionic??!!!

*shrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek*

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! If I'm am not a lady, he is already dead by now!

HOW DARE CHU! ! !

White Snake Legend

I just got inked last week and loving it. Now it's super itchy, I guess cos it's healing. Shiru's one too...both of us are like peeling. Feeling like a snake. Im the white snake and Shiru is the green snake *flick hair*

Suddenly, I remember the show, which I watched when i was waaaaaaaaay younger. The White Snake Legend... *shriek*


The white snake lovers was played by a girl which supposed to be a guy errr... Lesbian show lesbian show laaah, why she had to pretend that she got a kukubird?! I was puzzled then.

It was truly the 1st gay movie that I ever watch, a true lesbianese show.

I still even remember the song! OMG!!! Everything that is ladylike confirm will leave a deep impact in my head...*flick hair*

Thank You

It's my b-day today. I wanna thank you all who has spared their precious time to come and celebrate with me, the presents, the well wishes... I feel so loved.

I definately I can't never thank enuff to those who always always be there for me,

Drunkards nights and emo nights.
Tons of good dinner, holidays, laughters and ofcos stupid misunderstanding.
Secrets we'll take to the grave...well some of it *teehee*
Pictures we'll forever save.
Through thick and thin, always true.
Best friends forever, me and you.

I can't say the names, I'm pretty sure you know who you are... every each n single of you are my precious.

I love you all and BIG thank you...

xoxo

Who Is Jay Ho?

(Jai Ho)You are the reason that I breathe,(Jai Ho)
You are the reason that I still believe,(Jai Ho)
You are my destiny,
Jay Ho! Uh-uh-uh-oh!
(Jai Ho)No there is nothing that can stop us(Jai Ho)
Nothing can ever come between us,(Jai Ho)
So come and dance with me,
Jay Ho! (oohh)

Jai Ho-Pussycat Dolls

I believe it is said Jai Ho (bravo) horr, Dear Pussies... not Jay Ho from AngMoKio *roll eyes*

xoxo

Phoenix Lee

Nelly put me as her msn header!!! I always know she adores me!!!!!

Ivana is a phoenix

I know right?! *flick hair*

xoxo

Curious Case of Christina Wang

Another great (disastrous) movie of the year...

Bread Pittbull as Christina Wang and Cate Heavilysoiled Blanchett as Christina Wang too! OMG! *shriek*


I am soo gonna (not) watch the show!


X-tina, X-tina... you look pretty (awful) there!

X-tin, is dat chu???!

Keep it up, gurl! *air kiss*

Lotsa love,
your BFF

Christina Wang in Slumbitch

The feel-good film of the decade... NOT!!!

rated 1 star (out of sympathy) by Prata Telor Journal.

xoxo

Addicted to FB

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

What happened??? Few hours???!!!!!

OMG!!!

My both hands are trembling, I feel the earth move under my feet and the sky is tumbling down!!

OMG!!! HELLP!!

I want to anyhow tag people pictures and make fun at Christina Wang look! What am I gonna do in this few hours???!!! Christina needs to be humiliated!!! MUST! She's dying for it!

OMG

*faint*

It's Ahpao Happy Day

Ahpao, 3 years ago... when she was 26 years old.

Ahpao, Now...2009



Happy Sweet 29th, Ahpao! ! !

Wish you all the best... how time flies, my little xiaodi is not so little anymore now...

Huge hugs 'n kisses...

You've Been Tagged

You know how amazing Facebook is...

within seconds I upload a photo album in my facebook, I saw this...

How thoughtful one can get?!

Awwww..so touched *roll eyes*

xoxo

Tears In Heaven

You have gone for a year, Pi...

Suddenly I thought of this song. Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton



''Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please



Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.''

I had a dream about you, 2 days ago...you came and asked me...how are you, son? I woke up with tears. After awhile, I went back to sleep again... and there you are again, you told me you just want to say Hello. So, I woke up again..cried. Then, I went fall asleep again, there you are again. You walk away... then you turned and wave goodbye.

In the morning, big sis n 2nd sis called... to tell me about their dreams that they saw you. Same thing, same dream... but you were in very light red shirt when you were in my dream (guess, you know my fave colour huh). You wore a white shirt when you came to their dream.

Papi... I guess Eric Clapton is wrong huh... I'm sure you would know my name
if you saw me in heaven and it will be the same if you saw me in heaven...

you will, right? :(

til we meet again...

Caught In The Act

Spotted, Nelly Lohan Kwok having a gathering on a Friday night.

xoxo

Offer Nissim

Super drama opening act... totally most memorable party for me *flick hair offer nissim style*



and to those that forgot Epiphony was having a live performance there... here is the video




xoxo

Nelly Lohan

I have a sister, her name is Nelly.

She bang her head to a glass door last week becos she got too drunk.

Now, her head is swollen. She reminds me of the Lohan.

not this Lohan

This Lohan... teeeheee


Nelly oh Nelly, why you always drunk.

You know I love you...

xoxo

Welcome Home

The Mummies are back!!!

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Welcome home to the sunny, sterile island of Singaporeeee!!!


Can't wait to whack Shiru!!! *whack whack*kick kick*

xoxo

License to Kill

I lost my license, it's been a month. 23 more months til I can re-take everything. OMG!!!!

Urghhh. I just drink driving NOT drunk driving worrr. BLEAAAAAAAH..

banned those aunty from driving lah.. I bet they're more hazardous to others than us, the alcoholic! Ggrrrr...

anyhoo..

Nowadays, I have been taking ALOT of taxis...either I politely ask (read:force) my ladies friend to drive me around or I flag for taxis.

I HATE THEM (the taxis)..they smell funky! ! ! I swear!

3 days ago, I agreed to meet Frog, Coconut and Curry for movie at Great World City.

2 days ago, Frog told me, before her sleep, that she has changed the venue to Vivo city, cos she wants to go Daisho to get her CHEAP household thingie.

yesterday evening, I put on my not-so-semi best dress, heels and I flag a cab...

I: *flick hair* Heyy, sir... Vivo City please...
T: You wanna go which way, miss?
I: *irritated* the assoonaspossible route
T: so, it's I u-turn laaah?

urghhh... you are the taxi driver lerr!!!

*drive drive*

T: so, miss..which taxi stand you want me to drop you???
I: haaa?? the one says VIVO city laaah!! Did I say Changi Airport????
T: ohh okay.

ANGGGRY!!

and when we finally reached the destination...I call coconut to ask where are they.

I: Where are you all?? I'm like lost...I'm near Giant.
C: Huhh?? Where is that?
I: Vivocity, riiight?
C: Haaaa...GREAT WORLD city laaah...

OMG!!!!!!!!!! I swear I want to kill frog!!! Stuuuuuuuuuupid!! I should have not talk to him before his BED-TIME!!! *stomp feet*

so, I get on ANOTHER cab

I: Heyyy *flick hair* Great World City, please
T: Okay, miss...

awhile later:

T: so, which taxi stand you want to stop at, miss??
I: OMG!!!!!!! how many taxi stands are there...2 ONLY right?? Whichever on the way and you don't have to make a detour lorrr.
T: Ohh...zion road one then.
I: Then??? Still ask?!

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! KILLLL MEEEEE!!!

at this point, I was super angry with frog for telling me two different CITY!!! at the taxi drivers who asked alot of question and to the singapore mall developer..what's with mall name with CITY in it?? city HALL, vivo CITY, veloCITY, great world CITY, CITYlink...farklahh!!! eeeekkk...irritating!!!

I want my license baaaaaack!!!! 23 FREAKING MONTHS MORE TO GO!!!

JIU MING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Happy Birthday, Papi

My phone alarm went off last nite. A reminder to give my dad a call... today is his birthday. Sigh, they don't have roaming service upthere? Fax? E-mail? Mailbox?

I asked myself this morning, do people celebrate their loved ones birthday, even after they long gone?

Hmmm...

Christmas, we celebrate JC birthday, he is 2009 years old already. So, why can't I wish you too, right? Right.

Happy Birthday, Papi...

I really really really miss you...

Big hugs.

Friday the 13th vs V-day

Crazy just wished me a Happy V-day on Friday the 13th. Errr..yeahh! *hide*

I know Friday the 13th is like your big day or something, but Valentine's day to normal people like us, it's still February the 14th. Not even for an hour or in your case, a day earlier. Alright, missy?

oh anyway.

Happy V-day in advance to you too, Miss Crazy *shriek*

Happy Happy Joy Joy! ! !

I got my new toys! ! ! !

OMG ! ! ! ! ! ! *shriek*flick hair*shriek*

Finally, I have decided on Canon EOS 50D, after long gruelling days! ! !



I am so going on shooting rampage!

Christina Wang... I know you love me. AWAS!!!!! *teehee*roll eyes*snap snap snap*puke*

and also Street Fighter IV game!!!! double OMG! ! ! ! ! ! !


busy busy days ahead!

xoxo

Out of My Skin-Offer Nissim

"All my life,
I was fighting
My way out of my skin
All my life
I've been hiding
The girl I'm within
Till I saw you
And I had to let myself go
Till I saw you,
And I had to let myself go..."

I super love this song! ! ! !

I wonder what's the lyrics means... a lady boy song??! or it's about a closet case... oh well...super love is the word for this song!

xoxo

Gong Xi Fa Cai ! ! !

Everytime I refresh my facebook... I see these on my friends status...:

Must resist....must not touch that bak kua lah then don't want to eat the pineapple tarts cos one tart calorie is around 100000000000000 calories. Then Miss so'n'so went to combat cos tonite she is having reunion dinner.

cb..annoying cannn. Not as if you are the size of an island!

please, come on lah people! it's CNY!! What's there without over stuffing yourself til stupid..*flick hair*

Eat the bakwa! Eat the tarts and please stuff yourself with the food...

eat, DRINK all you want and be merry...lets worry about the calories later on.

as for me... I'm gonna eat alot alot alot of dust that I can tonight and til then...

HAPPY MOOOOOOOOOOO YEAR!!

HUATTT AHHHH

xoxo

Fatty Fatty Boom Boom

I have been 'away' for ages from blogging. I wake up at 7am *shriek* and found myself humming to this song whole morning. Went to Google it and found.

I want to lelicate dis song to my favorite xiao di... miss P.A. Thaaaance!

Lets sing a long, people... a classic by Carl Malcom.



I know you miss me...
XOXO

P.S *flick hair*