Dear Papi...

Dear Papi,

Im back in the tiny island of Singapore. I nearly kissed the ground when I touched down, civilisation, cleanliness. Something we both like about this city. Fel came to pick me up, and we drove back in a smooth traffic. It's a total bliss. My skin is bad, I have some outbreak on my forehead and a tan that I don't want from the nasty sun of Indonesia. Bleah. Can you send something back to remove all the zits?

Reached home just to find it empty and reality hit harder than I expected. This is gonna be the 1st time ever that I'm alone after you were gone. I had been the brave and strong one from when you were sick til when you were gone. I kept telling myself that I have to be all that and this is what God wants for you, a life without sickness, worries and trouble. Right pi?
But why did God take you away so suddenly... urghh. Tell Him that I'm abit angry k.

Exactly 2 weeks ago today, you left all of us forever at 935am. You know all of us cried sooo much that day. I woke up with swollen eyes, til today.

2 weeks ago I recieved a call close to midnight to say that you were sick. I called back and still talked to you. You sounded weak and you told me that you were gonna be fine and you lied, tsk tsk, bad you, and asked me not to worry, how to, so typical of you. Another call at 630am from my sis to inform me that you are loosing conciousness. My heart sank to the bottom. I rushed to log on to find next ticket out from Singapore. Another call from sis told me to stay put as they might evacuate you here. Without her consent I went with Fel to get my tic for the flight out the next day. At 3pm, sis called again and to tell me you had gone into coma, terrible you, you told me you gonna be fine! My mind ran haywire. All the bad thoughts that seemed impossible to ignore kept coming. Every phone call that I recieved after that is to tell me that your health is deteriorating...

At the same time memories of you kept flashing in my head. It's funny you know. All the good times we had. It's like watching a movie. I think we both deserve academy awards, if you could see it too. The time when you taught me how to ride a bicycle in the big field near our house, remember? And how to drive a car in the same place too after they converted it into a huge parking lot. When I sneaked out from afternoon tuition just to ride a new bike that you bought and ended up in an accident. Hahahaa.. I still remember I hid in the garage and refused to go out cos I know how angry you were. Tonnes of movies that we watched. Remember the question, why was the girl topless and you told me its because she was showing off her papaya. hahaa. Holidays that we went on. Pi, you know that you had always been my living google, I can ask you anything and everything that crosses in my mind and you always have an answer for me, how can?? Even google can't solve some problems of mine but just listening to your voice I feel fine already. All those memory make me weep.

I flew out the next morning and caught the connecting flight in time... I was actually crying on the plane. I told myself to cry til all my tears dry up so I could appear strong infront of you later. I still remember that you didn't like to see sad/crying people. I didn't give a shit anymore about what people thought of me when they saw me cry. You were in a coma for heaven's sake. I just wanted to be beside you as soon as possible. Oh... You do know I still hate flying right?

Reached the hospital. Almost everyone were there. Went in to see you, saw you laying helpless in a coma. It broke my heart... someone who always appeared strong, caring and loving now laying under tubes and wires. I whispered in your ear to tell you that I was there beside you. You could hear me, right? I whispered in your ear to say that I was there... 5 of us gathered beside you. Talking to you. I saw you shed a tear...

Less than 24 hrs later, God decided to take you forever, guess He's got a better plan for you. Heaven needs you more than we do... bleah.

The thought of you no longer with us. It saddens me. No more phone calls from you. No more, Nak..mau makan apa? Nak, gimana kabarmu? I still have the last sms you sent me, pi. I will kept it forever with me.


Pi, I'm sure you know that you were great husband to mami and super dad to all of us. We all know that for sure. You were always there for us. Even in your death, you made your funeral and everything else so smooth and easy to handle. You are amazing, pi. So many people turned up, you saw them right? I think close to a thousand. People that I don't know, different race and social status. Guess you have touched many people's lives yah? I can just see ur typical smile and nod..haha.. miss you ! really...

Papi, I love you... Good bye
Please say hi to mami, mak and everybody up there. Please take care okay? Miss you terribly...

til we meet again...

Your son,
Ivan