Taxi Uncle (AGAIN)

uncle: Evening, miss..where to ah?

me: *flick hair* Sin Ming Avenue, please. The prawn-ing place. D'ya know where issit?

uncle: Haaa?! *look at me using the rear view mirror* Sims Avenue go do pron ah??

me: *flick hair and roll eyes* yeah..prawn. D'ya know?

uncle: aiyoh, so havoc ah... what pron?? prono movie ah??? Sims avenue got prono studio ah?? Havoc girl lerr you!

me: *hysterical fit* OMFG!!!!!!!!!! PRAWNING uncle! It's SIN MING Avenue not Geylang, Sims Avenue. I'm a decent girl! and by the way, it's PORNO not prono!

uncle: ohhhh catch PRON ahhh... I heard salahhh, sorry ahhh. Teehee.

URGHHHHHHH!!! when you thought Ris Low engrish is bad!!!

Be an Ass

It was 3.26pm my phone rang. I was not in my best of mood and I swear I heard this...

me: yah?

B: Hi, Good afternoons, my name is Michelin calling froms Ahrerbeeass

me: who? Michelin? Wah!

B: I'm Michelin from Ahrehbeeass.

me: I'm sorry, I don't get you. Where?

B: sorry, my name is... Michelin and I'm calling from Ahrehbeeass.

me: I know you are Michelin. Where? What??? I don't understand you and your accent. What ass?

B: Ah Reh Bee Ass, sir. The Royarw Bank Of Scotlands.

me: Ohhh... RBS. Yes?

B: Yes, sir. Ahrer-bee-ass. I wanna to offer you...

me: *hung up*

Michelin from Ahrehbeeass, I am sorry!


Like I said, I was not in my best of mood *flick hair*

W

So, a big warm welcome to Miss Alanis Yang who came all the way from Timbuktu, USA to Singawhore where the land is hawt and slightly moist I mean, humid.

Twistties asked me if I'm going to the gym tomorrow, which is *shriek* Saturday..I was like, what??? Speechless. Who goes to the gym on weekends? In this part of the world, drinking IS the weekend sport and the only form of sport I religiously play *flick hair*

and suddenly I started to sing...

We are Singawhore, we are Singawhore
We will stand together, and you'll hear my pussy roar

OMFG!!! What's happening to me???!

*SHRIEK*

My name is Ivana Sukalongkok

and

I live in Whoreland Village,

Singawhore?!

What's happening to me????????????!

I need to wake up from this dirty dream!

*faint*

Get Sexy!

OMFG! ! !

Highly suspicious that this song is inspired by nobody, nobody but me *clap clap* ooopsie... I mean *flick hair*




If I had a dime, for every single time, these boys stop and stare, I'd be a billionaire!


xoxo

Frogalicious

Frog: Salamaaaaaabeeeeeeeech

Me: call me chio bu!

Frog: Send me Fergalicious!




Me: send to you? the mp3? that's Piracy *flick hair*

Frog: EEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Salamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeeech.

Obviously, our dear frog has limited vocabulary.

Wonder why he wants the song horr... damn random lei.

issit because it's sounds like Frogalicious???!

OMG!!! I think it is becos it's sounds like Frogalicious!

It can be the theme song for all frog leg porridge in all the lorong in Geylang!!!

Frogalicious!
So delicious
(It's hot, hot)
So delicious
(I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious
(They want a taste of what I got)
I'm Frogalicious
(T-t-tasty, tasty)

Frogalicious def-
Frogalicious def-
Frogalicious def-

xoxo

Mr. Bill featuring Lady Grotesque

and Frog have to remind me about this video AGAIN.

This is what I call ultimate identity crisis. I am sure (almost) everyone know who she is and what her background is.

Okay..let's not talk about that, as religion is suppppppppppper sensitive issue *flick hair*

BUT...

when a chinese... call herself a Geisha, speak chinese with a weird accent, carry a chinese fan, a chinese sword, doing house chore, pony tailed??? Why in the world would you want to stereotype yourself to what most whitey outhere think about us???

Geisha is Japanese!!!

I am so disturbed (AGAIN).

xoxo

FU

Yeah...so I have not been blogging for 3 years...yes, sue me please!!!

I just want to make my come back a short one...

here it goes...


So, I dress up casually for a dinner with my gurlfriend on Thursday night.

me: *press the elevator*

neighbour: wahhh...looking good ah. Where you going to havoc?

me: Havoc? But, wait me looking good? *flick hair* I know, right? Ahh, nahh...not havoc-ing just a dinner gathering with my friends *flick hair*

neighbour: you so good looking, stay alone...happening ah...

me: *roll eyes* I said... I know, right?! *flick hair* hmmmfph...

neighbour: so, must be alot of girls queueing to be with you laahh???

me: OMFG???!!!!!!!!!!!! Girls????????????!!! Are you accusing me a bloody lesbionic??!!!

*shrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek*

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! If I'm am not a lady, he is already dead by now!

HOW DARE CHU! ! !